It was after my third glass of wine, as Tom was grinding the bottom of the empty bottle into the ice bucket, that we got onto the subject of our exes. Now, I wouldn’t like you to think that I’m some kind of predator, stacking up conquests like roadkill. It’s just that my romantic relationships quite often seem to ‘overlap’. I really don’t intend to be a serial cheater, but, it keeps happening.
Tom, on the other hand, is a professional monogamist. Up to now, he’s had three serious relationships. And he’s still wearing a wedding ring, despite the divorce being final.
I glanced over at him, his dark eyes look thoughtful, and, for once, he isn’t making smart comments. I can see that he misses her, but he won’t do anything about it. Just smoke too much, drink too much Prosecco and turn the conversation over to my romantic disasters.
‘So,’ he said, with only the hint of a slur in his tone, ‘what happened this time, Amanda? How did it all come crashing down?’
‘I wish you wouldn’t enjoy this so much, it’s a bit weird,’ I replied, shifting on my seat, and scraping the heel of my sandal against the floor, ‘I mean, you’re more invested in my love life than I am.’
‘No, not weird,’ he said, tipping the dregs of the bottle into his mouth and deftly opening another one, ‘supportive. Think of me, like a bra,’ he cupped his hands in front of his chest in a good approximation of a ‘B’ cup.
I blinked at him owlishly.
‘Ummm, maybe not,’ he said after a moment’s pause, ‘that was weirder than I intended it to be.’
‘Sounded better in your head,’ I added, nodding.
Yes, better in your head – like many things. Like telling your new partner that you love them ten minutes into your first date, or drunkenly announcing that you want to have their babies and watching them run. Not that I’ve ever done that…of course, ahem.
Actually, I’ve given up drinking alcohol on dates for exactly those reasons. I’m one of those people who thinks, ‘Oh lovely, a glass of wine, that will relax me’ and two bottles later they’ve heard all of my issues and are quietly inching out of the door. So, no alcohol on dates, but lots of alcohol on friend dates, nights out, or whatever it is that we do, he and I.
‘So,’ Tom pressed, topping up our glasses again, you’ll notice that he gave himself more than me. ‘Tell me all the gory details. How ashamed are you, right now?’
I decided to explore the characters from the ‘Yoga Class’ piece a bit more – this is what happened later on that day…